Sunday, August 24, 2008

Workin' girl

In a meeting notice I received for an event I am scheduled to attend this week, the organizer asked that attendees "please try to arrive promptly." Now, I guess I can't speak for everyone else, but I am willing to bet that the majority of people in the workforce always try to arrive promptly. They do not wake up in the morning and say, "I think I am going to be purposefully late for work today" or "I think I will be fashionably late for the important merger meeting tomorrow." I, for one, certainly always try to be on time for work; the fact that I am sometimes tardy is always related to some unforeseen circumstance - an accident on the freeway, perhaps, or errant eyebrow hairs that need to be plucked immediately - and not an intentional effort on my part to not be on time.

These things seem sort of obvious to me; that if someone says something starts at a certain time, they are expected to arrive promptly, especially in the working world. Just like when you receive an e-mail, the natural response is to read it. So when one sees an e-mail with the subject "PLEASE READ" in all caps, the natural reaction is "Duh." When one receives a voicemail to "please read the [aforementioned] e-mail I sent you" the natural reaction is to bang one's head against his or her desk and plot career change.

Micromanagement at its finest.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Ten things I hate about you (and by you, I mean me)

Ten Things I Hate About You (and by you, I mean me)

#1 There are certain movies I will watch repeatedly, in their entirety, every time they are shown on TV. They include but are not limited to:

Stepmom (and I still cry at the end, every time, even though I know what’s coming and even though I freaking hate Julia Roberts)
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
50 First Dates
Save the Last Dance
Sweet Home Alabama
Cruel Intentions
Jersey Girl

One time last year, when I was snowed in for the weekend, TBS did the thing where they show a movie three nights in a row. That movie was Sweet Home Alabama and I watched it all three times. I once watched The Breakfast Club twice in one day because Comedy Central aired it multiple times. I used to fall asleep watching Big Daddy every single night. I don’t know how I do this, I just do.

#2 I love ramen noodles. I eat them more than any self-respecting, twentysomething, non-student woman with a “big girl job” should. They are cheap, they are easy to prepare, and they taste delicious. Beef is my favorite flavor.

#3 When I am home during the day, which is rare, I still like to catch up with the action on CBS daytime, a habit I have mostly weaned myself from. It is comforting to know that things in Genoa City never really change. These days, I often have to e-mail my mom and ask what such-and-such character from Guiding Light is doing on The Bold and the Beautiful, and she always does her best to catch me up on what’s happened in the past year since I last watched my soaps.

#4 The bottom shelf of my fridge is currently completely occupied with beer from the housewarming party I was to have that didn’t happen. On the shelf above that there’s a twelve-pack and in the freezer is a bucket of frozen margaritas with enough to make 16. My old roommate, Jody, and I always joked that there was more booze in our fridge than food. This was sometimes true, but never more so than it is right now. Thirsty? Come on over!

#5 I am obsessed with the show Bunnytown on the Disney Channel. It is hilarious, and I love the underwear bunny, and the bunny rock band, and the morning after I got my new TV I purposely got up early so I could watch Bunnytown in 32-inch, LCD, digital glory.

#6 The first CD I ever bought was Jewel’s Pieces of You. For that reason, I still have it and cannot bear to part with it. It has survived many rounds of CDs being sold to the used CD store, yet I have not listened to it in at least ten years and probably wouldn’t be able to stand it if I did.

#7 I’m starting to like mayo. Mayonnaise always used to be up there on the list of completely disgusting condiments that I would not put anywhere near anything I was about to consume (other offenders include mustard of any variety and sour cream) but I am slowly warming to it. It started when I repeatedly forgot to ask Wendy’s not to put it on my sandwiches; I started to like it on BLTs; and I went so far as to put it on a turkey sandwich at Subway a few weeks ago, just to see what it tasted like, and it wasn't bad. I’m not go so far as to keep a container in my fridge, but I no longer avoid it like the plague.

#8 I have the tendency to check and recheck and check my alarm clock again, just to make sure it is set and set for the correct time and set for a.m. and not p.m. Sometimes I will do this ten or fifteen times before I go to bed – not always all at once, but still a little OCD, don’t you think?

#9 I am addicted to reading Perez Hilton. I heard a lot about the guy but never gave his blog much thought until my old roommate started constantly mentioning him when we were discussing celebrity gossip. I finally added the subscription to my Google Reader a few weeks ago and now can’t imagine life without it.

#10 I hate most women’s sports, but I have totally gotten sucked into Olympic women’s beach volleyball. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh are awesome, and they don’t annoy the crap out of me like most other female athletes, and quite honestly they are more fun to watch than the men’s beach volleyball team. I also used to not really enjoy watching volleyball very much, but they have created in me a newfound appreciation for the sport, and I will be proud to watch them defend their gold medal tonight. Go USA!

An expensive lesson, learned

Things I am excited about today:

¨ My new (used) dining room table – I’m still getting used to it, but I like it, though I can’t decide whether I should leave it like it is or turn it horizontally
¨ Season three, disc three of Weeds
¨ RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE at the Target Center in 14 DAYS!
¨ Having to replace my hard drive

Wait, that last one is something I am NOT excited about. That’s right. Yes, the news is sad but true; my trusty laptop, Phoebe, had a bit of a brain fart Monday and never recovered, subsequently undergoing a lengthy and nail bitingly intense hard drive transplant. There was a bit of a glitch at the start and some panic that Phoebe was going to reject her newly transplanted organ, but the problem was soon remedied and she was on her way to a slow but steady recovery.

So now I have a hard drive twice the size of the one I have before, and it’s all squeaky clean and empty, and a hard drive with data I cannot retrieve that I, um, never backed up.

All my photos. Gone.

All my music files – thousands and thousands of them. Gone.

Lesson learned.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Olympic Update 2

The British national women's swimming director is named Michael Scott.

P.S. The Office returns September 25th. What will happen to Jim and Pam? What about Michael and the new HR director and Jan and the baby? What about the fact that the new Toby has been made to believe that Kevin is mentally challenged? Oooh, I can't wait.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Olympic Update

I just realized that I have been so wrapped up in the Olympics that I forgot to watch Project Runway last night. And I realized I don't give a rat's ass.

For years I’ve been looking at Michael Phelps and wondering, “Who does he remind me of?” Then Perez Hilton said it yesterday: KEVYN AUCOIN. Of course!

I am really looking forward to the women’s gymnastics all-around competition tonight. I’ll be cheering for Shawn Johnson and for Nastia Luikin, though not quite as much. Hopefully these girls can right the wrongs of Monday night and bring the USA some much-needed gymnastics gold. While I’m on the subject, Marta Karolyi can try to place the blame for the U.S. women’s team meltdown on gymnastics officials all she wants (she claims they played “mind games” with Alicia Sacramone) but the fact of the matter is, Sacramone lost her focus and fucked up gold for the rest of the team. She fell off the beam and fell on her ass during her floor routine, something I don’t recall ever seeing before. That little skankazoid ruined it, not the Olympic officials or the ten-year-old Chinese gymnasts.

The other night I watched a segment with Mary What’s-her-face – you know, the freakishly tall, mannish-sounding, mannish-looking woman who has no real purpose being in Beijing covering the Olympics for NBC? Whose job is not even really to cover the Olympics but to show the quirks and lifestyle of Beijing to the poor saps (you and me) who had to stay home? Anyway, the segment I got sucked into was called “Panda Babymaking.” It was just like it sounds – it was about pandas making babies. Then I saw her pretend to eat a bamboo biscuit. That’s the other thing that bothers me about her – all the pretending to eat food, but not actually eating any of it. It was cute the first time, but I’m tired of the shtick, especially during the segment where all she did was “eat” gross food like cow stomach and duck feet. It got old really fast, Mary. I know you think it was really funny to pretend to eat the fried scorpion and then bring it back to Bob Costas, but it wasn’t. It was really stupid. Bob Costas thought it was really stupid, too. He might have played along with your little game, but inside he was thinking, “Who the fuck invited her?” Next time they should get Anthony Bourdain or Andrew Zimmern, or someone from Survivor - someone who would actually eat the gross food. Or maybe they should just get someone funnier.

Best name ever: Rowdy Gaines. I always forget about Rowdy until Olympic time rolls around. What does Rowdy do when he’s not covering the Olympics? Does he just go into hibernation for four years? According to my best friend Wikipedia, in addition to being a swimming analyst for ESPN and NBC (something that brings him work exactly every four years) he is the chief fundraiser for USA Swimming and also endorses an indoor swimming pool contraption that is advertised on television. Whatever it is, if Rowdy endorses it, I want it. Bill says if we ever have children I am not allowed to name one of them “Rowdy.” This is obviously disappointing, but I’m going to keep working on it.

On a totally unrelated note, today I saw a woman wearing jodhpurs. When's the last time you saw someone wearing jodhpurs? I mean, outside of the stable?